Syn City Gazette: February 2014

Monday, February 24, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 25

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Syn City Gazette

Issue 25

February 24, 2014

Editor-in-Chief - Crissy Forster

Price: 20 Brunsens - 1 issue, 60 Brunsens - Monthly Subscription
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Table of Contents

❖Page 1 - In the News: Keep up-to-date on current events and what's happening in Syn City.
❖Page 2 - Announcements
❖Page 3 - Who's Who - Here, you will get to know your friends and neighbors, perhaps in a way that surprises you!

❖Page 4 - Lifestyles: Dear Abby, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs, Dating Scene Forecast

❖Page 5 - Creative Writing Shared
❖Page 6 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 7 - Want Ads
❖Page 8 - Advertisements

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Page 1: In the News
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CITY IMPROVEMENTS

The improvements to the city continue. For those who haven't noticed the beautification thats taken place at the water front, you should stop by sometime and pay it a visit. Bring a good book or a picnic lunch with you or just come by to enjoy the benches around it and relax, the view is outstanding and the sounds of the water spraying into the air and running down the multiple tiered fountain are much more relaxing then the sound of gunfire.

RECEIPTS BETA RESULTS

Written by: The Deputy Mayor's Office

Week three of Receipts beta has been tallied. Although Sinners businesses have been shut down, the results continue to remain consistent with previous weeks. 17 citizens have turned in 27 receipts totaling a record 10,750 Brunsens spent at 9 participating businesses. Most Brunsens were spent at Vipers Garage, Nakie Cakies and Hoes 4 Less. The biggest spenders were Carensia, Annabelle and Crissy. This week the program also saw the following businesses joined the beta program:

Oasis Casino
Vipers Docks

Receipts Beta will continue for three more weeks. It is a beta program to encourage the spending of Brunsens, boost business traffic, gather needed economic data for the City Council and benefits all parties involved. Visit the first floor of City Hall for more information and to deposit any receipts.

The Deputy Mayor will begin handing out Brunsen bonus checks based off of the first 3 weeks result this week.

HORSEY TERROR HITS SYN

Seems there is a new terror to hit the streets of Syn City. While citizens enjoyed their peaceful sleeps and tantalizing dreams, huge plumes of smoke filled the city air. In the early morning hours Thursday, this unknown individual made their way about the city damaging and destroying various items in gang headquarters before setting them on fire. Anyone with any information on the individual is encouraged to call the SCPD. Don't let the progress we've made to our city be for naught!

SYN CITY'S WAR ON VIOLENT CRIME COMMENCES

by: um... Ano Nymous

Our city's savior, the honorable and lovable most epic, fair and mighty Mayor Whackadeaux Amadeus Allouicious Frederico Billy Bob Claremont Ferdinand Von Destiny III has begun a crackdown on gang violence in Syn City. The first group to be targeted under this initiative was the Sinners Motorcycle Club. In response to multiple violent assaults against city employees and members of SCPD our beloved Mayor took strong action by ordering all Sinners assets seized including bank accounts, businesses and even the prison building the Sinners call home.

It all came to a head during last Thursday's city council meeting when almost the whole gang showed up with guns drawn and demanded to be heard, throwing the council meeting into chaos and forcing its delay. Many of the Sinners were belligerent and drew guns during the meeting although no shots were fired. Eventually his eminence met with the president of Sinners and worked out an uneasy peace which lifted the seizures in exchange for an end to most of the violence. This type of singular devotion to the miserable bastards who live and play in Syn City is typical of the legendary figure we have in Mayor Dubya, and his leadership brings to mind images rivaled only in storybooks for their fictitious Pollyanna and the levels to which this Mayor will sink to get his way.

The office of the Mayor could not be reached for comment today because over the weekend City Hall was the object of a terror attack. Al Queda is suspected, with Darkside Corporation agents on the case it is only a matter of time before the bastards are brought to justice.

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Page 2: Announcements & Events
((IC & OOC))
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BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT

Edward and Amber Thorne Wish to announce the arrival of their twins,

James Edward - 5 lbs 2 oz.
Reece Marie - 4 lbs 14 oz.

James arrived unexpectedly at 11:11 pm and Reece at 11:21pm, on February 19, 2014 at 32 weeks. Both are healthy, breathing on their own, and other than being tiny, are in perfect health.

SYN CITY GAZETTE ONLINE

Syn City's favorite newspaper, Syn City Gazette is now available online for those who have subscriptions at http://syncitygazette.blogspot.com. There's still more work to be done so things are not final yet but we didn't want to hold back any longer seeing as there's some that's been wanting us to be online since we started. Any questions, concerns, or ideas...contact us. We want to hear it!

GRAFFITI CONTEST

The wonderful mayor of Syn City is holding a graffiti contest to get some new artwork on the new City Hall as well as a few other places within the city. Read below for more information...

My dear citizens, you filthy miserable bastards,

City Hall is a BEAUTIFUL phallic symbol of my incredible leadership skills and a wonderful testament to my prowess as your fearless leader. BUT... it's too new and too pretteh. I want some awesome graffiti to put in the parking garage and maybe on the side of the building to age it a little and make it look more like the dark and grungy Syn City we all want.

I will be holding a Graffiti contest in the parking garage of City Hall during the month of March. Here's how it works:

1) Do your BEST work. Make it good and make it graffiti.
2) Send me the texture complete with clear background so I can apply it to the prims in the parking garage.
3) IF you do a graffiti for a shaped prim let me know and I'll apply it there. First come first served on those prims.
4) DO NOT put your own prims in the parking garage. Hand me the textures and I'll get them installed.
5) No more than 2 entries per person.

OK - at the end of March a committee will decide which are the very best and most fitting graffiti graphics and those will get to stay as permanent(ish) parts of City Hall. Understand we can't use too many or it will just look like hell, so only the best will survive the cleanup!

PRIZES:

FIRST PLACE - $5,000 Brunsens, $1000 Lindens and One "get out of jail free" car signed by the mayor (probably worthless)
SECOND PLACE - $2,500 Brunsens, $500 Lindens and one "Black don't kill me this time" card signed by the mayor (DEFINITELY worthless)
THIRD PLACE - $1,000 Brunsens and a rickshaw ride around OSO park pulled by Su Yungai (if the old guy can make it)

Guidance - Make it graffiti and make it fit the city. Remember this is stuff that might get to stay if it's good. KEEP SIZES to 256X256 or 512wideX256. Wrong sizes are a pain in the ass.

HOMELESS SHELTER NOW OPEN

This has now been set up. The homeless shelter is where the former PD was. There is a TP to the camping skybox. There will be no more camping in safezones unless it is a paid rental. Please remove your weapons and turn your meter off in the skybox. There will be no XP returned if you are downed. This is a City Council Initiative, I would like to thank Whacked, Fiona, Dolly and the other members of council for putting this in place as you the citizens have decided.

SYNFUL PLEASURES

Synful Pleasures hosts events every Saturday from 7 - 9 pm SLT and Sundays from 12 - 2 pm SLT. Saturday, with the Olympics soon coming to an end, Synizens came out showing their Country's pride by wearing their Country's colors and representing where they come from while DJ Amber played the music. Go team USA!!!

Sunday Synful Pleasures was transformed into a place out of this world by Fail who did an awesome job with the decorations. There was a wide variety of costumes from astronaunts to a variety of aliens and creatures. DJ Amber played the hits and Gussy, Suka, and Billiebelle won the contest.

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Page 3: Who's Who
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Coming to us all the way from up north in the country is Fail, Failure Fatality, one of Syn City's prestigious judges. She lost her mother when she was young before she'd even graduated school and has lived many different places since. She came to Syn knowing she had a father here but didn't know his identity. Currently, she has 11 men answering when she calls them Dad. Most are lucky if they have one father figure in their lives, Fail is lucky enough to have 11 of them! She states though that "its hell on Father's Day I tell u" but we highly doubt that means she loves them any less.

Since coming to Syn, Fail has held a variety of jobs. She's owned her own bakery and candy shop, worked as a photographer, been a dancer at Synful, worked in Hoes 4 Less as a cashier, served food for the jail and the hospital. She's also a doctor at the Hospital, has worked at Viper's Garage and is currently the Fire Chief. She use to work at Sinner's Bar and has been a stripper at the casino and a bartender at Wise Guys. "but what I do...I do lots and I don't do a thing. I can't moonwalk yet, but I'm super at typonese." One thing's for sure, Fail is definitely well-rounded and there doesn't seem to be anything she can't do when she sets her mind to it. One thing she does like to do is count stars and keep track of where they are or if they move and has been to three star funerals so far. It is unknown if she'll run for Mayor in the next election but has a strong sense of responsibility where family is concerned stating "it depends who else be running, If I feel like its my family sure, Families are there for each other." We couldn't agree more. When asked about her close relationship with the Mayor, "I believe the Mayo knows the truth about my father, if anybody knows it be him.... I got no idea why but what he says really makes sense, but nobody ever listens to him.... not that much".

Despite the strong feelings where family is concerned, Fail doesn't plan on having a family of her own at this time. She just hopes to go to bed at night and dream amazing dreams and wake up on the morrow remembering them. She lives life day to day enjoying the gift that's been given to her "thats what u gotta do, get what's given to you, make the best outta it and hope you make people smile, never make people cry, to make people cry ain't nice. What people are gonna remember you for is the times you made them smile, smiling is important." Kind words to live by. People will remember you for your words and actions, make them count. Have them remember you in a positive light, not a negative one. Her final words to Synizens..."there's not much to know about me, but as family, it be those that makes me smile, if they make me smile they are worth keeping, close".

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Page 4: Lifestyles
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❖ Dear Abby

Dear Abby,
I have a really small penis. In fact, I'm one of the only guys I've ever met that can pee on his own balls. Do you know of any procedures or exercises that can improve my length and girth? Please help. I'm scared I'll never be able to please a woman.

Sincerely,
Smallsinpenis

Dear Smallsinpenis,

It is true that a majority of men have to cope up with small penises and they often lack in sexual performance. This highly affects their confidence and self esteem. The yearning for a longer and thicker penis is but of course natural. Though a lot of men emphasize on getting a longer shaft, girth is equally important. As a matter of fact there have been surveys which reveal that most women prefer thicker penises to longer ones. As such it is important that you not only aim for a longer member but also try to increase its thickness.

Male enhancement is a massive market and the product range is so huge that you can be easily conned. Therefore, you need to choose the right product so that you do not end up risking your penile health.

Methods like vacuum pumps, weights and surgery do not have many takers now since more and more men are getting aware of the perils of such hazardous methods. Traction device, exercises and natural pills are perhaps the safest approach to penile enhancement. Though you might be wondering about the efficacy of natural pills, I think that in spite of not being able to add size to the male genitalia by themselves, pills can play an important role in penile enhancement by assisting other natural techniques like exercises or a traction device.

Traction Devices: Traction devices or penile stretchers are known to work well but a clinically approved and doctor recommended device can be quite expensive and you should never take chance with a substandard or homemade device since it can cause penile injury or disfigurement and I don't think any man would like to end up with an injured or disfigured member.

As far as Exercises are concerned, they have existed for thousands of years and many a men have successfully enlarged their penises both in terms of length and girth by performing these exercises religiously. When you perform Jelqs on your partially erect male shaft, cells grow through division and multiplication and this leads to tissue expansion. When the erectile tissue expands through this process, it is possible for it to hold more blood and more blood implies a thicker, longer and meatier erection. Besides there are a couple of exercises to strengthen your PC muscle so that you have greater control over your ejaculations and last longer during sex. This can really enhance your sexual pleasure.

Getting back to natural pills, if you use them with these exercises, you can boost blood flow to the genitals and this ensures all the spaces in the erectile tissue gets filled with blood which helps you achieve rock hard erections. This combined approach is highly recommended if you want to grow your member and want to prove yourself a better lover.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1393175

I hope this helps. If all else fails...turn to men instead and be a catcher!

Sincerely,
Abby

**Want to ask Abby for advice? Simply drop a note in the mailbox outside the Gazette behind Syn City Bank, Abby responds to everyone!** ((NOTE: Crissy rewrites all Dear Abby's before handing them over to Abby to answer so they can be kept anonymous.))

❖ Rumor Has It
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

1. Other then sex....this might be the most awesome ride ever! I wonder though why the girl in the front's mouth is stuck open like that? Perhaps lockjaw from sucking too many cocks?

2. Wanted plans on trying to get a girl in the attempt to hide his desire for men. He's been seen trying to impress jay jay with his pecs and how he can make them jiggle...and quoted saying "I probably need to get a girl soon or that will be the next rumor around here for fucks sakes". So if you ever wondered why he was single....now you know.

3. Amber has been put on bed rest, is it really preterm labour or is she further along that she says?

4. The SCPD is wanting to start a war and deliver several warrants but the Mayor is concerned about the lack of man power.

5. There is a new business on the way. It looks to be some kind of mixture of a new sex shop and a match maker's business. Soon residents may have a new way to find love!

6. Rumor has it that Panther from the DA watches pregnant hippo porn to jack off to a few times a day.

7. The Deputy Mayor enjoys knowing what everyone else is spending their Brunsens on but won't reveal what she withdrew her funds for to the public.

8. Local citizens Death and Angel didn't take over the tattoo shop from the bank by the usual methods of repossession and re-management but instead by defeating certain Sinners in battle and taking the business by force. Sinners displeased with the situation are currently looking to rectify the situation.

9. Vipers will be the next gang the Mayor affected by the War on Violent Crimes. Preparations and planning is already underway for both the Vipers MC as well as Oso Corp. The Casino and the Viper's Garage will be the first businesses seized. Hoes 4 Less won't be affected due to the Mayor's good relations with management.

**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

❖ Shout Outs

Wanna give a shout out to someone? Have a message you want delivered in a different way? Know someone with a birthday coming up and want to wish them a happy one? Let us know, we'll post it here!

❖ Dating Scene Forecast

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Page 5: Creative Writing Shared

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Page 6: Letter to the Editor
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Have something you wanna say? Here's your chance to be heard! Send in your letters to the Editor and give yourself a voice to be heard!

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Page 7: Want Ads
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Looking to hire? Perhaps you're looking for a mate? Send in your ads and who knows, you might just find what you've been looking for. Want Ads cost 10 Brunsens a week. Price subject to change.

❖ The Syn City Brewing Co. and Hard Target Gun Shop are looking for a few good workers. Please contact Fiona Rae Allen for more information. Prior experience working at a bar or or working with guns is preferred, but we are willing to make exceptions for the right candidate.

❖ Synful Pleasures is hiring and we want you.
Synful Pleasures is a Brothel/Strip Club at Syn City, We pride ourselves on our friendliness, professionalism & fun atmosphere & have a team of enthusiastic staff who develop & maintain personal relationships with our guests & each other.

The Club is neutral. Anyone is welcome to work here and visit.

We are looking to fill the following positions:

Dancers - Male and Female
Escorts - Male and Female
Bartenders
Bouncers
DJ's
Hosts
We are looking to expand our hours, and keep the club busy. If you are interested in joining our staff, please fill out an application and return it to the Manager, Amber Venom, or casting director, AlisterCrowley.

❖ Vipers Garage is now hiring everything from pump girls and cashiers to mechanics! No experience necessary although for mechanics, experience is preferred. Stop by and put in an application or speak to Amber Venom (karmarider) today!

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Page 8: Advertisements
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Advertise your business for 20 Brunsen's a week. Price subject to change. Get your name out there and make everyone aware what it is you have to offer.

❖ Come on down to the city's best kept secret. Syn City Brewing Co. is a little microbrewery and bar, hidden deep in the heart of the city below Hard Target Gun Shop. We pride ourselves on having a great selection of beers, wines and spirits, as well as our own micro-brews and liquors. Come join us for a chat by the fire, a game of darts, a cigar among friends or just a quiet drink in Syn City's secret little hideaway. Your friends Whacked Destiny and Fiona Rae Allen look forward to serving you at Syn City Brewing Co, where you're always at home.

❖ Need guns? Ammo? Sling-shot? Weapon repair or cleaning? Evil mastemind supplies? Well then you are in luck! Hard Target has the FINEST selection of guns and ammunition and is the only legal supplier of weapons and ammo in Syn City! So come on by and see our selection for yourself!

❖ Been feeling dirty lately? Have issues with walking around wet? Well come on over to Sinner's Garage where they're now offering a fun car wash service! You don't have to ride around in that dirty ride or worry about walking around wet after washing it yourself...not anymore! Drop by and let us wax you up!

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Got ideas or suggestions? Let us know. If you have something you'd like to include in the next issue, drop a note in the mailbox outside Syn City Gazette's Office located just behind Syn City Bank.

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DISCLAIMER: LET IT BE KNOWN, THAT NO MATTER WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THIS PUBLICATION, UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE, IT IS STRICTLY IN CHARACTER!!! I SHOULD INFORM YOU, I CONSIDER EVENTS FOR THE MOST PART IC...FOR THE MOST PART LOL. ABSOLUTELY NO OOC INSULTS WILL EVER BE USED...EVER!!! SO IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS DIRECTED TOWARD YOU OOCLY, AND YOU TAKE OFFENSE, UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!! RUMORS ARE FOR FUN ONLY, WITH NO MALICE IN MIND AND THEY ARE USUALLY NOT EVEN TRUE!!! HAVE A PROBLEM WITH WHAT IS OR HAS BEEN WRITTEN HERE? DON'T READ IT.
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This publication protected by Copyright laws ⓒ 2013

Monday, February 17, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 24

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Syn City Gazette

Issue 24

February 17, 2014

Editor-in-Chief - Crissy Forster

Price: 10 Brunsens - 1 issue, 30 Brunsens - Monthly Subscription
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Table of Contents

❖Page 4 - Lifestyles: Dear Abby, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs, Dating Scene Forecast

❖Page 5 - Creative Writing Shared
❖Page 6 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 7 - Want Ads
❖Page 8 - Advertisements

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Page 1: In the News
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CITY IMPROVEMENTS

The city buildings and landscape isn't the only improvements being made in Syn. Old infested buildings being demolished and big beautiful buildings built are visual improvements indeed but another side of Syn City is in the process of improving as well that's less focused on asthetics and more focused on prosperity. No, we're not talking about the new receipts beta system, though that may have been a promising benefactor but we're referring to more and more Synizens being successful and productive in recent months then in previous ones. More and more citizens are making a life for themselves filled with success rather then gang related activities. Gang fights, wars and everyday mischief is decreasing while successful businesses, individuals and citizens giving something back to the city in which they live are on the rise. For many Synizens, this is definitely a positive change but for some, they don't know what to do with themselves and oftentimes find themselves standing around with nothing to do in their houses, the church or even the club complaining about the lack of gang related activities. It's time for everyone to embrace the new Syn City and take part in making Syn City a successful growing populus. Do something today that gives back to the city in which we live in a positive manner. Be an individual who makes a difference. Do a kind act to a fellow Synizen. Help a lil ol' lady cross the road or open the door for someone you might feel like strangling or shooting. Buy a meal for the homeless. Make a difference and be a do'er, not a whiner.

RECEIPTS BETA RESULTS

Written by: The Deputy Mayor's Office

Week two of Receipts beta has been tallied and the results continue to be promising for the program. 16 citizens have turned in 28 receipts totaling 6,000 Brunsens spent at 10 participating businesses. Most Brunsens were spent at Cupids, Hoes 4 Less and Syn City Brewery. The biggest spenders were Diamond, Dolly and Miss Sammy. This week the program also saw the following businesses joined the beta program:

Nakie Cakies
Sinners Sex Shop
Wiseguys Bar

Receipts Beta will continue for four more weeks. It is a beta program to encourage the spending of Brunsens, boost business traffic, gather needed economic data for the City Council and benefits all parties involved. Visit the first floor of City Hall for more information and to deposit any receipts.

CITY-WIDE CHALLENGE

Written by: Serena Contessa

Lately, I am hearing rumors about me... from people related to any gang, rumors that needs to be unmasked. I am not scared to fight anyone in this city that is a non-Viper since I consider Vipers the best 1vs1 fighters. And this time I am going to show you. For the next week I will accept anyone's challenge to 1v1 me... with a reward for the one able to get me to give up. I am betting 5.000 brunsens on myself that I will be able to take down each challenger. If someone will be lucky enough to get me, they will get a 1,000 brunsen reward... If you are not willing to challenge me you can try my slave Luciana, I am putting a reward of 200 brunsens for the one wanting to challenge her and take her down. I have to agree who can challenge her for this munnies, and I'll bet on her only 400 brunsens, so she will fight on this just two times.

The loser in the challenge has two options, accept to being defeted and kneel to me or buy an H4L service not less then 80 brunsens. Still, picking a 1vs1 against me will cost you 100 brunsens picking against Luciana will be 50. You have just a shot to prove your value and to see my art of fighting! After the week I will stop the challenge request! Challenges will be accepted starting Sunday, February 23rd and running through Saturday, March 1st.

SWEETS SHOP REOPENED

Once again a shop in Syn has opened where everyone can satisfy their sweet tooth though this time under a new name and new management. Nakie Cakies is owned by Snarkie Moseley and her sister Amy assists her in the day to day managing of the shop. As the warmer weather will soon return, let's hope that with the Receipts Beta Program, the individually owned business will be more successful and lead to more small businesses opening in the future.

UPCOMING CITY COUNCIL MEETING AGENDA

The City Council will meet this Thursday, February 20th at 7 PM SLt at the Council chambers located in the Syn City Hall on the 7th floor. The meeting will be open to the public and Synizens are encouraged to attend. Below is a list of the Agenda released to us to share with the public.

Objective - Remember our primary job on the council is to encourage more stories and engagement. We are an RP group with the power to shape the city and provide significant opportunities for people to join the stories. Let's focus mostly on the things we can do to get people playing and engaged, like jobs and the receipts program. The new sim rules are important too, but lets remember the focus of City Council is on the RP world.

SCHEDULE

1) Procedural - Agendas, meeting notes, other council basics. Blog posting of minutes.

2) Attendance and Participation in Council meetings and issues, both in person and in between meetings.

3) RP Justice - Warrants, Trials, Penalties, Bails, Community service, Jail time, other things.

4) Directing the City Manager to create (paid) jobs - Lynsey Werefox is City Manager and answers to Deputy Mayor.
    * Pay rates - Council to direct Lynsey on pmt and arrange with bank for money
    * Receipt code for City - Lynsey to set up with Dolly
    * City Manager
    * City Inspector
    * Syn City Social worker (Mira)
    * Justice Dept jobs - Judge, IA, DA

5) New sim issues and suggestions (remember, all we get to do is make suggestions, Kali has the final say)
    * HQ buildings - specs and limitations
    * "Wards" and gang territories
    * Prison Idea - RP prison sentences
    * Combat rules in "old Syn City"
    * Combat rules in "new Syn City"
    * PD in neutral zone in new sim?
    * Specific list of agreed points on a NC to hand to Kali as unified recommendations.

6) Police Department Staffing - critical need for more officers

7) New Homeless Shelter - ready to go into operation as soon as TP pad is placed.

8) Syn City Destiny Complex - Phase Two: low-income housing projects in the area around Sinners HQ

9) New business

SYN CITY GAZETTE ONLINE

SYNFUL PLEASURES

Synful Pleasures hosts events every Saturday from 7 - 9 pm SLT and Sundays from 12 - 2 pm SLT. Saturday, Synizens joined together wearing their best to celebrate Valentine's Day with their Valentine's Formal. From suits and tuxes to elegant dresses and jewelery galore, everyone looked marvellous while DJ Beezy spun the tunes and Amber hosted. Some enjoyed dancing against their loves but most just enjoyed being single and looking amazing flaunting their curves in the form-fitting dresses. Winners of the contest were Suka, Sikito, and Steffie.

Sunday was Anti-Valentine's Day. Yup that's right a day when you get to say to hell with Vday and all that lovey dovey pink and red hearts stuff and dress comfortably in sweat pants and baggy clothes. Winners of the contest were Amy, Carensia, and Amber.

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Page 3: Who's Who
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We apologize for the inconvenience but there is no Who's Who this week due to an ongoing investigation into a crime committed and lacking the man power had to choose to do a Who's Who or investigate.

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Page 4: Lifestyles
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❖ Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

Please please help me! I don't know what to do. I am constantly getting horny and my little clit throbs. It feels like it's itching! I use to think I had an STD but I now believe it just means I'm horny. It'll start throbbing out of nowhere for no reason and won't stop! I find myself grinding against things just to try to make it go away. I'll be sitting on a stool moving back and forth pressing my clit against it and that only seems to make it worse. Sometimes it lasts for an hour or more! What can I do to make my clit stop throbbing so much? It also seems to be worse before my period, during and after so um yeah that's like 3 weeks out of the month! Please help me!

Yours truly,
Throbbing Clit Viper

Dear Throbbing Clit Viper

Let me start off by saying that while this may not be completely normal for all women, it is completely normal for some. I'm sorry you're having this issue but I suggest A...getting a man who will fuck you senseless on a regular basis. Bear in mind that he should know how to please a woman, not only know how to slide his cock in and out. Foreplay is just as important as the actual sex. Now...B...carrying around a small egg vibrator in your purse so that when your...issue arrises, you can handle it. Make sure it's a quiet one, you wouldn't want to be tending to yourself in a restroom and someone hear. You could consider becoming a prostitute...your heightened state would be good for business. Hope my advice helps!

Abby

**Want to ask Abby for advice? Simply drop a note in the mailbox outside the Gazette behind Syn City Bank, Abby responds to everyone!** ((NOTE: Crissy rewrites all Dear Abby's before handing them over to Abby to answer so they can be kept anonymous.))

❖ Rumor Has It
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

1. Bunnies DO eat grass...if anyone doesn't believe it, let Sere know, she'll show you a bunny eating the grass in Oso Park.

2. Rumour has it that DA has burned bridges with some Oso members, Snarkie in particular who is seeking other sources for the products she needs for her new shop Nakie Cakies. According to one source they are "hurting for brunsen since they are constantly eating dirt." Perhaps this has to do with all the fights Sinners have been picking with them lately and the constant paying of ransoms.

3. There's a rumour going around about a secret council of girls, a secret society so to say. The only rule in this society is that what happens within this society, stays there. A lot like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. What is this secret group of girls all about and are they behind some of the mischief happening within Syn...like the mysterious Valentine's gifts that were sent by this person or that person only to be later found out to have not been sent by them at all? What IS their goal...to play match maker and join singles together or to cause mischief? It is unknown at this time but none-the-less....according to rumours...this secret society of girls does exists and are active within Syn City limits. Who ARE these mysterious secret girls?

4. Has anyone noticed how protective JJ has been over Carensia as of late? Perhaps their working together as Underboss has ignited flames between them. With Care's recent breakup it is highly likely that he is the rebound guy?

5. Something that's getting curiouser and curiouser for many Synizens is why wherever Joniel is spotted, you see Diamond as well. Could it be that there's a crush brewing within Sinners?

6. Apparently Joniel isn't the only busy man as of late. Since Lamont's recent breakup, rumours are coming in left and right of him speaking with various females. One of which is Amy from Sinners. Amy's Sinner family thinks she's getting too close to Lamont and have told her they'd rather her go be Death's toy instead.

7. Dia's been heard complaining that she's not getting any action. Although apparently she's been with JJ and Tanner and Smokey but maybe none recently? I wonder if she's doing like some females in Syn have in the past and opening herself up for more options. Seems that's the case as can be seen in this photo.

8. Apparently DD isn't being fulfilled by Hyst seeing as she's seeking Spencer's attention. She keeps burning down his trailers as a cry for attention from him according to one source who's inclined to agree. Already she's burned down two trailers last week. Our source stated "I know she supposed to be all in love with Hyst but you know the saying what's a garage with no Caddy inside?" Hmm...could it be true...could DD be craving Spencer's cock?

**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

❖ Shout Outs

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Page 5: Creative Writing Shared

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TO HOLD THE WIND IN MY HAND
Written by: Hyst

Rising like a Phoenix from the hard, burnt earth of the desert, she breathes.
The air at once is dry and hot, scorching her lungs and raising her fear.
Writhing and stretching in her anguish she reaches toward unseen escapes, clenching her jaw in defiance of the harsh environment she suffers.
Hands bleed and blister as she claws at the dry clay, pulling her broken body forward, behind her a trail of blood and tears mark her slow progress.
Eyes closed, mind numb, her hallucinations mix with reality and she laughs then screams. Her shouts echo off the canyons yet, hands over ears, no one hears.
Days, weeks, months, pass her and she looks to the sun, blind and pleading for all time to stop so the devolution of her body can be reversed.
Again, time is deaf to her pleas and she curls into herself, anger overriding fear.
Defiant to the end she writhes and stretches once more, thrusting hands into the earth she begins her journey anew.

The first tendrils of cool air go unnoticed as her fevered mind clings to the arduous task of moving forward. A hint of goosebumps on her tender flesh rouses her from the trance, surprised
Sitting still, afraid to move, she sends her awareness out into the void around her in search of this new sensation.
Catching a hint of fresh air in the currents, she moves toward the source with renewed strength.
The closer she gets, the cooler the air and with it her mind is rewarded with clarity.
She sees Him.
He is surrounded by a verdant green and even from this distance, still trapped in the hell of her desert, she sees the activity of life in the colors around Him.
He smiles as she struggles near and reaches out His hands to help her. The air dances and laughs around her, lifting her sweat heavy hair off her neck and caressing her weathered cheek.
He is the wind.
Ashamed of her dirty, burnt and bleeding hands, she is at first hesitant to take His. His skin glows with vitality and His eyes shine with humor as He watches her indecision. He knows what she will decide and there is no surprise as she puts her hands in His.

Renewal begins the moment her skin touches His. He fills her anguished heart with poems of love and longing. Her mind is filled with the wisdom of His teaching and her body thrills with the touch of His essence which cools and caresses.
Tears, which had long since dried up, begin to flow freely and her skin is nourished with this moisture.
He lay her renewed body upon the lush grass and makes love to her with His sensuous mouth. He tells her she is His as they reach their release together and doze in the beauty He has created.
For her, time neither stops nor moves forward and she feels she is the center of His attention and she blossoms in His care.
He teaches her how to make the pretty things grow and they laugh and sing as they plant a thing of beauty together. To share.
He is the wind and He flows around and through her until she is filled.

One day, as she looks around the valley they created, she catches a glimpse of her hated desert. She strains her eyes and sees the outline of others who are struggling toward their paradise.
At first afraid to share, jealous of her time with Him, she says nothing of what she has seen. Guilt replaces fear as she remembers her own desperate struggle and she tells Him of the newcomers.
A knowing look in His eyes, He touches her face in understanding and promises His love is hers. He turns away and walks toward the edge of the desert.
She watches Him walk away and though sad, her pride in Him grows as she watches Him heal and renew the others.
She recognizes the mesmerized looks as they watch Him and her heart constricts just a bit then relaxes when He comes back to hold her.
Their time solely together must be shortened but their love has grown and she loves Him more each day and with each heart He touches.
She cannot keep Him tethered to her. She cannot capture Him and hide Him from others for her love for Him is deep.

Besides, He is the wind.

Have something you wanna say? Here's your chance to be heard! Send in your letters to the Editor and give yourself a voice to be heard!

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Page 7: Want Ads
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Looking to hire? Perhaps you're looking for a mate? Send in your ads and who knows, you might just find what you've been looking for. Want Ads cost 10 Brunsens a week. Price subject to change.

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Page 8: Advertisements
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Advertise your business for 20 Brunsen's a week. Price subject to change. Get your name out there and make everyone aware what it is you have to offer.

❖ Do you know that H4L does not only provide the best quality sexual entertainment, but also provides other services? Tired of cleaning your place? Have one of our finest girls clean your place with our excellent maid services. Do you want to warm or test your combat and hunting skills? Have one of our sexy girls dress up as a bunny and run around the city shooting her with a paintball gun. Do you want to laugh or dominate and humiliate a girl? Rent one of our submissive girls as a slave, they will have to do whatever you want them to do.

H4L proudly participates in the new Syn City Beta Receipts Program. Call H4L now for the ultimate experience in adult entertainment in the city.

❖ Valentines Day is quickly approaching, want to give your loved one something special this year? Or perhaps you like someone secretly and want them to know they are admired?

Then come along to Cupid's right next door to Syn City's Gazette. We are open for 2 weeks only and taking orders now! We will deliver on Valentines Day or the day you choose, either anonymously or with a note.

We sell roses, chocolates, teddy bears, cards and offer a gift wrap service too!

Open daily for the next 2 weeks from 10am til 4pm SLT.

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Got ideas or suggestions? Let us know. If you have something you'd like to include in the next issue, drop a note in the mailbox outside Syn City Gazette's Office located just behind Syn City Bank.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 23

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Syn City Gazette

Issue 23

February 10, 2014

Editor-in-Chief - Crissy Forster

Price: 10 Brunsens - 1 issue, 30 Brunsens - Monthly Subscription
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Table of Contents

❖Page 4 - Lifestyles: Dear Cosmo Girl, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs, Dating Scene Forecast

❖Page 5 - Creative Writing Shared
❖Page 6 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 7 - Want Ads
❖Page 8 - Advertisements

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Page 1: In the News
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CITY COUNCIL MEETING
((IC & OOC))

The City Council met Monday night this week in an attempt to accommodate recently absent council members where they discussed the land that was soon to be acquired. Many topics of which were listed in Issue 21 of the Syn City Gazette. The council completely agreed with some of the topics while believing others still needed more discussion before a decision could be made. There is still much more planning to be done but rest assured, it is underway at least. Below you'll find a list of topics discussed. Bear in mind that just because council agrees with the topics doesn't mean they are sure to take place or that changes won't be made. This is merely the discussion and planning stage. At the next council meeting, council plans to review information gathered concerning bank and business relations as well as discuss receipts for city departments such as the hospital, bank, and police department.

Topics Council agreed 100% on:
- No residences on the new land
- Bank owned businesses moved to new land
- No safe zones on new land
- Once a fight starts on one sim, residents will not be allowed to cross to the other.
- Fewer safe zones, make the Church and Synful non-safe zones
- Homeless shelter on land with teleport to the sky. Campers can just teleport down to the ground when active
- Land will be divided into gang territories
- Each territory will have a unique personality consisting of special businesses that no other - Gang will have which will force gangs to do business together.
- Reduce script count limit to 150
- Limited crossing points from one sim to the other.
- Common role play areas

More discussion is needed on the following topics:
- Only 1v1 are allowed on old sim
- PD prison system & location
- Neutral area with properties that can be taken over

OFFICIAL FIRST RECEIPTS BETA RESULTS

Written by: Anonymous

Week one of Receipts beta has been tallied and the results are promising. 18 citizens have turned in 29 receipts totaling of 6,690 Brunsens spent at 7 of the participating businesses. Receipts beta will continue for 5 more weeks. Most Brunsens were spent at Hoes 4 Less, Syn City Gazette and at Moretti's Pizza. The biggest spenders were JJ, Miss Sammy and Annabelle. The following is a list of businesses participating in the program:

Bodega
Cupids
Death's Tattoo Shop
Hard Target Gunshop
Hoes 4 Less
Moretti's Pizza
Sinners Garage
Sinners Motel
Syn City Brewery
Syn City Gazette
Synful Pleasures
Synful Sounds
The Great Black Garage
The Red Diner Cafe

Receipts is a beta program to encourage the spending of Brunsens, boost business traffic, gather needed economic data for the City Council and benefits all parties involved. Visit the first floor of City Hall for more information and to deposit any receipts.

MOST LOVED/HATED

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, the Gazette thought it was time to do another poll. Who do you think is the most loved and most hated in Syn? Who is it you think is the sweetest and kindest and who is it that you just LOVE to hate? We asked Synizens to let us know who they thought was the Most Loved & Most Hated and the results are in! We didn't get as many results as we'd like BUT the good news is that the race was a close one! Keep this in mind as you read the results, we can only report on the votes placed. Don't like the results and didn't vote? Vote next time.

Most Loved
1. Crissy
2. Whacked
3. All tied....Amber, Amy, Care, Craig, Dolly, Fail, JJ, Snarkie, & Sunny

Most Hated
1. Black
2. Sam
3. Crisis

TEXAS HOLD 'EM

Saturday night's Texas Hold 'Em event went off without a hitch with Synizens from various walks of life gathering together peacefully. Whether they were there with the hopes to walk away with the cash or just observing, in any case all seemed to be having a good time. Then again...when the drinks are free, how can you not? Not only were they playing for the buy-in amount but also an added bonus Wolf, Oso Boss had thrown into the pot in advance. Free drinks AND free money...well not free money BUT definitely a good chance of increasing what you came with! For some, the game was quite intense going from nearly being out of the game to holding the most chips at the table while others who appeared to be doing great suddenly were out of the game. At the end of the night though, Alex took home the pot and Wolf's personal cash. After the game, there was an auction where things started off slow with Doc and Alex warring over Jess, the amounts quickly rising until at last, Alex won a date with Jess for 3k Brunsens. Amy sold to Doc for 1600 and Dolly to Amy for 2k and last but not least, the server of the night, Dia sold to Dante for 1800. Wish them all a fun time on their dates and thanks to all who came out to join in the event and make it such a success.

OSO TOUR BUS OUT OF CONTROL

Written by: Amy Moseley

This week, we received an anonymous letter of a rather crazy story about MafioSo's party bus adventure. Wolf Mason, the oSo boss took out his oSo party bus for a spin, as he usually does when he gets a little bored and drove around the city with his wife, Steff Mason, Bruce, Snarkie and Diamond for a little joyride. They began by driving the bus towards the newly built Sinners HQ immediately noticing a a mysterious giant hole alongside it, Wolf remarked, 'I think vipers all dressed up in hot dog suits with shovels, trying to find their monies at the hill their delusional mistress has been talking about."

After that, Wolf began driving wildly around the streets once more as pedestrians jumped out of the way of the lunatic driver and eventually the bus slammed into the DA headquarters, the HQ was damaged a little but Wolf believed nobody would notice and everybody was safe. The bus took off once more, and Wolf portrayed his terrible driving skills yet again as he crashed into the newly built City Hall steps. Somehow everyone was still safe at this point as Wolf looked on at the City Hall steps a little puzzled, wondering when they added a speed bump to the road.

Even after that, for some unknown and bizarre reason everyone stayed on board the oSo Party bus completely risking their own lives as Wolf yet again drove the bus past oSo Park, without even so much as a warning to the passengers, he put his foot on the throttle, driving as fast as the bus could possibly go and ended up violently crashing across the water and straight into the deck of the Vipers ship. Amazingly, with the bus planted into the ship, as seen in the picture, nobody was hurt! All passengers as well as the driver were perfectly fine and were able to brush themselves off and head away from the scene. After a bizarre event like this, it begs the question, who in the world hands out driving licenses in this city, and where are the cops that are supposed to be patrolling the streets?

SYN CITY GAZETTE ONLINE

SYNFUL PLEASURES

Synful Pleasures hosts events every Saturday from 7 - 9 pm SLT and Sundays from 12 - 2 pm SLT. Saturday Synful held a different kind of event then usual with their Walmartian event giving everyone the opportunity to dress as so many do in those oh so funny pictures of Walmart shoppers. From robes and trashy wear to everyday normal attire, all came out and had fun as DJ Beezy spun the tunes, Jess danced for everyone's pleasure and Spencer served drinks between dancing trying to get everyone tore up from the floor up. The contest was won by Shisuka, Jessica, and Demirah.

Sunday was a Villian/Hero event, Synizens dressed up in costume, some of which showed off some amazing figures! DJ Ricky Venom was back and spinning the tunes for everyone while Amber hosted. Strangely enough many DA decided to do what seemed an underwear theme rather then villians and heros but alas fun was had by all. Winners of the contest were Carensia, Crisis, and Amber.

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Page 3: Who's Who
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Going from the new girl in town to Diabolus Boss, Carensia has most certainly made a name for herself in Syn City. For her, life is much more then violence and bloodshed as she continues to show in her efforts to improve the City by not only participating in the Receipts Beta but also striving to keep the DA businesses in Syn sucessful while working to maintain the reputation Syn's newest gang have made for themselves.

Born and raised in Greece, the daughter of one of the greatest politicians according to her, life indeed was grand and money wasn't a concern as there was plenty of it. She lost her mom at the age of 10 but even so managed to have a wonderful childhood thanks to the loving and caring father she'd been blessed with "I was his world and he made it his life purpose that I won't miss anything as I grow up". As a child, she was his princess from ponies and ballet classes to learning to speak both French and English, she had it all. Money never touched her hands, it didn't have to, she'd just look and point. Whatever she wanted, she got and never took no for an answer until college.

She hadn't planned to move so far away from her home but while in college, she learned that all wasn't right with all the wealth her family had. Apparently her father wasn't involved with the right people and with the economy in Greece, the mafia grew stronger on a daily basis. There came a day that she had to decide upon graduating whether to risk her and her Father's life or to get in a relationship with one of the most famous and most dangerous men in the country. Unwilling to give up the life she was so accustomed to and flattered by the man, she stayed doing things she now regrets but at the time was so absorbed by all the publicity and money, continued to stay still unwilling to lose it all. After some time, they were engaged and she became a soon to be trophy wife ignoring the pleas of her father to change her mind. Thinking back, she recalls how "foolish" she was in not listening and soon things began to go downhill.

Apparently her fiance found out that her father was trying to get them out of the country and he still owed the man money and having a short temper...a few days later her father was found with a bullet in his head. This was the wake up call Care needed. Now having lost everything that was important to her, truly important, she did all she knew to do. She packed a bag taking with her as much cash as she could get, bribed a few people and took revenge "he didn't deserve to live, he was wasting the oxygen for other people. I took care of him. It was what I had to do." Her decision made, she fled, it was her only option.

After years of theraphy, Care has grown as a person though quiet upon first arriving in Syn not wanting to draw attention to herself but now that everything is settled, it's healing for her to talk about her past stating that everything happens for a reason and that her being brought here has given her the fresh start she needed. It wasn't always easy though. When she first arrived here, for her first few weeks, she was petrified. Her first day in Syn she seen a man torturing a woman in ways she's never seen before and in finding out he was a Viper feared them not knowing that later, she'd find herself friends with most of them. Not long after, she found herself having to turn down offers of becoming a prostitute made by Shink. She'd always been a good girl even attending Sunday School. The idea of becoing such was a shock and a horror to her but thankfully, she met Lynsey from Oso who was the first person to be protective over her. She was interested in joining her but wanted to collect information about all her options before making a final decision.

She tried to apply to Oso but was ignored and then offered a job as Motel Manager by Shink but despite the fact she needed a job, wanting to be sure before she made her decision. Fate lead her to where she belonged when she meat Isabella after having a drink at Sinners bar. Unlike others, Isabella befriended her and didn't try to recruit her but just talked an hung out. She met more DA's but knew it was the place for her when the old Police Chief tried to shoot her for standing in the middle of the road. Horrified, she didn't know what to do. Sinners didn't get involved but DA stepped in and protected her taking her to their headquarters keeping her safe "It was really nice having people that don't owe you anything to have your back." Still she could not make up her mind until Isabella brought her to her office one day and invited her to join them. In Care's eyes, it was meant to be, she'd already made her mind in her head but just hadn't followed through with it.

"We are quite alright aren't we? We are good peeps. I bunch of misfits, but that's what makes us special. We are a family, a lil weird, a lil disfunctional, but which family isnt." She started out as their secretary due to her amazing organizational skills and later was promoted to General. She's also currently the Head Manager of all DA businesses. She loves what she does "JJ and Izzy saw something in me. Don't ask me what, I really don't know." That must be quite true because she was happy to announce that about two weeks ago, she was once again promoted...this time to Underboss, sharing the position with JJ.

When asked about her goals personally and as far as DA is concerned..."I want to see DAs growing stronger. We started from the bottom and evolving and expanding is my main hope. DA growing shows people that they shouldn't let themselves be bullied and that if you take your life in your hands, you'll get the second chance you deserve." At this time, she is recently single and plans on enjoying all that comes with it but states "There is nothing more ego boosting than flirting . But if someone comes in my way, witty and charming then I guess I'll be sweeped under my feet without even realising it. So who knows!" There you have it...from the bottom to the top and working her way up again in more areas of her life then one!

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Page 4: Lifestyles
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❖ Dear CosmoGirl

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**Want to ask Cosmo Girl for advice? Simply drop a note in the mailbox outside the Gazette behind Syn City Bank, Cosmo Girl responds to everyone!** ((NOTE: Crissy rewrites all Dear Cosmo Girl's before handing them over to Cosmo to answer so they can be kept anonymous.))

❖ Rumor Has It
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

1. According to sources, you may want to stay clear of Crisis and Cele's home the next few days, it's gonna be rockin' so don't come a knockin'! Cele was heard saying the world deserves another Bleed's baby and Crisis really enjoys practicing to have baby's, so it might be a noisy week for their neighbors! According to local rumours, they keep having to abort the girls to get a boy. He's been heard stating "it's like a drinking game for us. Anytime someone asks us we have to go somewhere and get it our best shot." So if you see them out and about and are bored and want some entertainment, ask them about it...they'll soon be fucking and you can be a pervert!

2. According to Smokey, Sinners paid him to leave Oso and join them. Did they pay Jon to join them as well? Have others been paid to join?

3. It's assumed by looking at this picture that was sent in to us that Care has a lot of practice at cock sucking but also enjoys being the giver from time to time. It's good to see she's making good use of those DSL's.

4. The under-boss of DA has officially called out Tanner of Sinners to a 1v1, JJ is annoyed that Tann attempted to burn him alive in his HQ. JJ also claims he's a "bitch and refuses to 1v1...and just calls for backup". Apparently other 1v1 challenges presented to Tann were all declined, including one from Bruce where he ran and hid behind Celestia and Crisis. Guess we'll have to wait and see if Tann has the guts to take on some 1v1's or if JJ is right.

5. Lately there's been an influx of pregnant women in Syn...watch out, it seems Syn has several men that have a fetish for such. Wanted is one of them so men, if you're women are pregnant, you better keep an eye out because he's not the only one!

6. Lately there's been an influx of pregnant women in Syn...watch out, it seems Syn has several men

7. Apparently Snarkie, Amy, and other females aren't the only ones with a love for cupcakes but the cupcake fetish has now spread to males as well as is obvious in looking at this picture submitted to us by an anonymous source. When was the last time you seen a man with a cupcake umbrella?

8. Fail hasn't been seen since the construction started on the new mall, now being used as Sinner's HQ. It's rumoured she's been murdered and buried beneath it. What happened to one of the most prominent up and coming judges in Syn City?

**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**

❖ Shout Outs

The Dating Scene Forecast

I, LOVENOMINOUS, the GUARDIAN OF LOVE am not LOVENOMINOUS, the GUARDIAN OF LOVE if no forecast was shared for the month of love, February. Smack dab in the middle is the HOLIDAY OF LOVE, Valentines Day. To be celebrated with the ONE YOU LOVE MOST.

Valentines is not any other day to spend with your other lovers like exes, boy toys, mistresses, butlers, pets and whores. It's thy day you give YOUR WHOLE HEART and receive a WHOLE HEART from the ONE YOU LOVE MOST. The true meaning of Valentines is not FUCKEN ROCKET SCIENCE. Love is a equal heart to heart exchange that brings peace and contentment. The Beatles sang THE LOVE YOU TAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE YOU MAKE.

What if you do not know who is the ONE YOU LOVE MOST? That means you haven't DUG DEEP ENOUGH to discover who out of your LINE UP OF LOVERS is the ONE YOU LOVE MOST. Could it be the one you met first? Could it be the one you would FUCK ON THE SPOT when horny? Who would you marry? Who would you spend time all alone on an island with? Who wouldn't you cannibalize when trapped in the arctic? Who has been most loyal to you? WHOSE ANUS WOULD YOU TONGUE?

Don't have an answer? Then love that is true shall never bless thy soul. END CHASING, END COLLECTING and dive down into the DEEPEST ENDS of your self to find thy TRUE NEEDS of your soul. I, LOVENOMINOUS, the GUARDIAN OF LOVE salute those with multiple lovers every day of the year EXCEPT for Valentines. Valentines Day is the one day RESERVED for the ONE YOU LOVE MOST.

Who is the ONE YOU LOVE MOST?
~ Guardian of Love ~
ღღ Lovenominous ღღ

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Page 5: Creative Writing Shared

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Authors of the following are unknown and were obtained for your entertainment purposes only.

A woman went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she’d ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it’s true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, “Sure is, little lady! Why don’t you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you!” The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, “Well, thank ya Ma’am. I’m real flattered. Ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.

The woman replied, “Don’t be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit.”

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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

Have something you wanna say? Here's your chance to be heard! Send in your letters to the Editor and give yourself a voice to be heard!

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Page 7: Want Ads
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Looking to hire? Perhaps you're looking for a mate? Send in your ads and who knows, you might just find what you've been looking for. Want Ads cost 10 Brunsens a week. Price subject to change.

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Page 8: Advertisements
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Advertise your business for 20 Brunsen's a week. Price subject to change. Get your name out there and make everyone aware what it is you have to offer.

❖ Been feeling dirty lately? Have issues with walking around wet? Well come on over to Sinner's Garage where they're now offering a fun car wash service! You don't have to ride around in that dirty ride or worry about walking around wet after washing it yourself...not anymore! Drop by and let us wax you up!

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Got ideas or suggestions? Let us know. If you have something you'd like to include in the next issue, drop a note in the mailbox outside Syn City Gazette's Office located just behind Syn City Bank.

Syn City Gazette

Monday, February 24, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 25

Monday, February 17, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 24

Monday, February 10, 2014

Syn City Gazette: Issue 23

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