Syn City Gazette: Issue 3

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Syn City Gazette

Issue 3

September 16, 2013

Editor-in-Chief - Crissy Forster

Price: 10 Brunsens - 1 issue, 30 Brunsens - Monthly Subscription
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Table of Contents

❖Page 1 - In the News:  Keep up-to-date on current events and what's happening in Syn City.
❖Page 2 - Announcements
❖Page 3 - Who's Who - Here, you will get to know your friends and neighbors, perhaps in a way that surprises you!
❖Page 4 - Lifestyles: Dear Abby, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs
❖Page 5 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 6 - Want Ads
❖Page 7 - Advertisements

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Page 1: In the News
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   Last week, we brought you news of a new Head Quarters.  This week, we're bringing the news about the group that resides in it.  The group is known as Diabolus Aquile which in Latin means "Devil's Eagle", we'll use DA for short.  We got the inside scoop when this reporter spoke to Wink, a member of DA.  Apparently the DA is an old world order, a group that's been brought back after generations of traditions that have been passed down.  Wink stated "I vow to kill all Vipers and rip them from their pitiful existence.  I do plan to burn all Vipers in the hell fire of justice."  Such violence and anger, clearly there's history between the man and the Vipers so being the wonderful reporter I am, I asked and he accused the Vipers of having a sense of self entitlement stating that they "Think of themselves as Gods on Earth without any care for the repercussions of their actions."  The Vipers in response had the following to say "Wink has tried many times to ruffle the Viper's feathers, but it's really just done nothing but make him look even more pathetic if that was possible. Wink as I said, is a nobody. I'd love for him to try and stand face to face with my family, and walk away from it in one piece."  Ricky, a Viper Boss who I spoke with didn't even know who he was but pretty much said that if Wink has the balls, step up...challenge accepted.
    Two major gangs in Syn City have allied and joined forces, Oso and Sinners.  What does this mean for the Vipers and the King of Syn?  What does this mean for the citizens of the City?  That's yet to be determined but thus far Vipers aren't worried in the slightest.  With Oso and Sinners working together to fight the Vipers and the DA out to get the Vipers, it's easy to see who the targets in the City are.  Though the Vipers seem to be doing a good job of holding their own, the alliance has brought about a couple defeats and not only for the Vipers but the SCPD as well.  Will that continue to be the case or will the Vipers be able to dominate all three gangs and regain their hold on the City?  For weeks, this reporter has been hearing of a group known as Mercoso.  No matter what research she did, who's conversation she listened in on, she couldn't learn anything about this group, others stating they'd never heard of it.  At last, the truth is known, the group Mercoso is the one and only Oso.  The nickname was given to them due to their hiring Mercenaries so often.  Will this alliance put an end to the Mercoso name?  It is too early to speculate fully about how the alliance will affect the City but one thing's for certain, it's big news for many.  There does seem to be an increasing number of Oso's and Sinners out and about in the City during certain times of the day.  Perhaps they've been recruiting, perhaps people are leaving their homes again.  It's unknown what the reason for this is but one thing's for certain, a quiet city becomes not so quiet when the shooting starts.
    This week has been nothing short of chaos with the changes in the law with the legal being illegal and the illegal being legal.  Citizens have been assaulting the police while the police who have warrants for individuals release them shortly after paying them money rather then the other way around.  One citizen was actually given gold stars for breaking the law, literally gold star stickers.  Gold stars for beating on Officers and paying money to those with warrants...what's the City coming to?  On Friday, the City was covered in shit, the smell thick in the air while everyone stepped around piles of it in the streets.  The water supply in Syn City has possibly been compromised due to a large truck dumping a load of shit into the lake.  The City is advised to drink only bottled water and to boil water for their baths.  The Mayor would not answer our calls when we tried contacting them to figure out what plans were to be put into effect to clean up the City.  Thanks to Officer Whacked, the CDC was called in and arrived Sunday.  According to the CDC, the lake is badly contaminated.  What we didn't know was that the drinking water was already poisonous.  Agent Orange informed me that the CDC has been "spiking the city with Lithium for years to test a theory about criminally insane response to heavy metal poisoning".  Worry not, the Gazette will be looking into this further.  At present, the water in Syn City is considered acutely dangerous.  We will be working with the CDC and local officials to keep you updated.

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Page 2: Announcements & Events
((IC & OOC))
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!!!WARNING!!!  All citizens be advised, due to recent possible water contamination, Citizens are urged to drink only bottled water and to boil water for bathing until future consent to do otherwise is given.  If you are experiencing stomach issues, diarrhea, or skin conditions including but not limited to narcosis, report to the Hospital immediately!  Stay out of the lake!
    The Halestorm concert on Saturday that was performed by the Wet Kitties and hosted by Oso was a HUGE success with almost 70 people in attendance.  Sounds could be heard all across the City.  Cries and screams filled the air as the Wet Kitties rocked the stage.  The concert went without too many hitches thanks to the Security present.  Panties and jock straps were thrown on stage and hot dogs out into the audience, some welcomed, others not so much.  One citizen, Craig, was arrested when he attempted to advance on stage and two others were escorted out, their names unknown.  If you weren't able to attend, you missed a wonderful show.  It was nice to be able to have fun without bullets flying and one gang attacking another simply because of it's name.  The Citizens would like to thank Oso for hosting the event and Oso would like to thank the Citizens for coming out and enjoying themselves.
    There's a new shop in town named Sweet Nothings with a cute little seating area outside. The small bakery is located across from the City Court House and serves baked goods, ice cream, and candy.  The bakery is owned by a Failure Fatality and just opened on Friday.  She invites everyone to come out and eat their worries away.

    Saturday night Synful Pleasures was hoppin!  DJ Fyng was causing the floors to vibrate with his awesome tunes while all celebrated Athena's one-year anniversary as Synful's Manager at the Gods & Goddess' Event.  The turnout was almost as great as the costumes.  Thanks for coming out everyone and Athena...thank you for all the great work you do for the hottest club in the City.  I'm surprised the way the speakers were vibrating with tunes that ladies weren't sitting on top of them especially with all the hott ladies and men.  The winners of the contest were Halo, Dan, and Steffie in order from First to Third.

     Sunday Synful Pleasures gave us a delightful mix of two DJ's, DJ Fyng covered the first part of the event and DJ Wink, the second.  Some of the hats were quite crazy as you can see for their Best in a Hat Event.  􀀆  Coming in at first place was Steffie with her tophat with a skull on the front.  Second went to Officer Fyng and Third to Failure for her fish hat.  Congratulations to all the winners.

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Page 3: Who's Who
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    This week we're getting to know one of Syn City's finest prostitutes, Dolly.  Dolly is an employ of Hoes 4 Less owned by the Vipers.  She's quite experienced having been in her area of expertise for a few years now.  Leaving home at a young age, she had few options.  While most teens her age were worried about where they were going to go to college when they graduated high school, Dolly was worrying about where her next meal would come from.  She went from shooting porn in the back of a van, to making professional porn videos and being a famous porn star, to working at H4L.  She says that "Making quick cash became an addiction. I don't care what others be saying or if the church thinks it's wrong  What mattered is, to me, it felt so right and I couldn't stop."  She's right, many do look down on her for what she does but what they don't know is WHY she does it.  To her, prostitution is not only a means of survival but an addiction in the same manner drugs or alcohol might be an addiction for others.  Not only is she one of Syn City's most talented prostitutes but she's also a Councilwoman.

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Page 4: Lifestyles
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❖ Dear Abby


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**Want to ask Abby for advice? Simply drop a note in the mailbox outside Crissy's apartment behind Synful Pleasures, Dear Abby responds to everyone!**

❖ Rumor Has It
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share?  Send it to us.**

1.  Sere's looking for a way to make fast cash.  Seems she's gotten herself into a debt.  Men...or ladies, if you see her standing on a corner somewhere, you know what's up.
2.  Shink has officially lost his mind believing he is a prophet of Jesus, yeah that's right, THE Viper, Jesus.  He has been heard by many praying and quoting scripture.  Not only that but it's believed he may have multiple personalities...Shink, Shink the Priest, and the most recent....Santa Claus.  Yes, apparently another personality has made an appearance when he revealed he has a naughty and nice list.
3.  Agent, also known as El Comandante still refers to his Mother as "Mommy".  How cute is that!?!  He was also heard trying to borrow money from his Uncle for prostitutes.  However, later in the week, he was heard stating that he'd fucked the police.  It is unknown who from the SCPD Agent's been in bed with but the words did come from his own mouth.
4.  Armani was a VERY bad girl this week!  Bad girls must be punished.  Bad girl she may be but her and her new Master have been keeping themselves busy.  The sounds can be heard throughout the night AND the day.

5.  One Oso staff who's not yet a member feels they are outsiders.  They are left in the dark having no clue who to approach if they have a question and claim they've been told nothing.
6.  Officer Will of the SCPD sells cocaine.  Such might be legal this week but selling such isn't something you get into overnight meaning he must have been doing such when it was illegal as well.
7.  The std known as the clap is rumoured to be spreading throughout the City.  Condoms a must!
8.  Moses, Dan, and Damen were caught with their pants down and ladies, let's just say there were some pretty cocks a swinging about.
9.  Wink's nickname is Wabbit.  Some say it's because when he fights he hops like a wittle wabbit.  Others say it's because he fucks like one and plans to reproduce like one as well.  You choose which is true.
10.  Amber's not as innocent as everyone thinks she is.  She's been seen making googly eyes at several men this week AND admiring their exposed cocks.  She was also heard attempting to set up a night of fun with one of Syn's most eligible bachelors.
11.  Vipers and Oso don't just fight because they dislike each other or someone stole this or tagged that, they fight over men as well, like the o' so handsome Dan.  More then the two ladies who were fighting over him have a crush on him.
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share?  Send it to us.**

❖ Shout Outs
    Wanna give a shout out to someone?  Have a message you want delivered in a different way?  Know someone with a birthday coming up and want to wish them a happy one?

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Page 5: Letter to the Editor
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    Have something you wanna say?  Here's your chance to be heard!  Send in your letters to the Editor and give yourself a voice to be heard!


Dear Editor,

I am writing in response to a recent mis-posting in your newspaper. oSo Park has never been nor will it ever be known as Viper Park. Our Viper heavy counsel members, under the misguided notion that this city's citizens are pro-viper, erroneously changed the name under the direction of our deputy mayor Jon Ireman. The deputy mayor, who at the time, was a Viper member also happened to be at war with the oSo, hence the name change for no other reason than abuse of power.

oSo Park was built by oSo members for the oSo as well as for the residents of the uptown area under the approval of the mayor. The counsel has no power over the park since it is maintained by the oSo Corporation, just ask some of the 'volunteers' that have cut the grass in the park under the supervision of the oSo's watchful eye.

This is just one such incident where the counsel had used their power to further the interests of their own gang over the interests of the good people of this city. I, for one, am looking forward to the elections coming up next month so we as a city can tell the current counsel that we are ready for a change. We are ready for a counsel that is balanced and that will serve this city as it should be served because Syn City deserves better!

Sincerely,
Dina Ormidale
Syn City Bank Manager and Concerned Citizen

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Page 6: Want Ads
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    Looking to hire?  Perhaps you're looking for a mate?  Send in your ads and who knows, you might just find what you've been looking for.

❖  Wiseguys is seeking to hire bartenders and dancers.  Applicants must be good at handling money and an active Syn City resident.  Good looks and sense of style are a plus.  Applicant must be available to work three shifts or more each week.  Apply now by contacting Steffie Mason (Steffie Manen) or Wolf Mason (ArnoldSmithy Resident).
❖  Oasis Casino is now hiring!  There are a variety of positions available.  Applicants must be good at administrating money and be an active Syn City resident.  Applicant will be expected to work three shifts a week.  Good looks and a sense of style are a plus.  Apply now by contacting Agent (Carlos MacAlpine) or Eva Smith (Evafire Resident).

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Page 7: Advertisements
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    Advertise your business.  Get your name out there and make everyone aware what it is you have to offer.

❖Car been breaking down on you lately?  Will your bike just not start?  Been hearing funny clinking sounds when you go out for a drive?  Does everyone yell at you to "Fix your shit" when you drive down the road due to a loud screeching sound more annoying then nails on a blackboard?  Bring your vehicle to Viper's Garage and have it fixed today.  Don't get laughed at for the putt putt puttering of your car's engine.
❖Have you noticed a stench lately?  Tired of stepping through dirt and over trash around your home or office?  Then HOLLY MOLLY MAID SERVICE is just for you!  No home or office is too dirty nor stench too horrific for the wonderful people at Holly Molly.  They'll leave your home or business looking and smelling like new.  Contact Holly Molly today for an appointment.  They can be located on the SS HOLLYMOLLY at the Syn City Docks.

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Got ideas or suggestions?  Let us know.  If you have something you'd like to include in the next issue, drop a note in the mailbox outside Syn City Gazette's Office located just behind Syn City Bank.

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DISCLAIMER: LET IT BE KNOWN, THAT NO MATTER WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THIS PUBLICATION, UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE, IT IS STRICTLY IN CHARACTER!!! I SHOULD INFORM YOU, I CONSIDER EVENTS FOR THE MOST PART IC...FOR THE MOST PART LOL.  ABSOLUTELY NO OOC INSULTS WILL EVER BE USED...EVER!!! SO IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS DIRECTED TOWARD YOU OOCLY, AND YOU TAKE OFFENSE, UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!! RUMORS ARE FOR FUN ONLY, WITH NO MALICE IN MIND AND THEY ARE USUALLY NOT EVEN TRUE!!!  

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