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Syn City Gazette
Issue 9
October 28, 2013
Editor-in-Chief - Crissy Forster
Price: 10 Brunsens - 1 issue, 30 Brunsens - Monthly Subscription
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Table of Contents
❖Page 1 - In the News: Keep up-to-date on current events and what's happening in Syn City.
❖Page 2 - Announcements
❖Page 3 - Who's Who - Here, you will get to know your friends and neighbors, perhaps in a way that surprises you!
❖Page 2 - Announcements
❖Page 3 - Who's Who - Here, you will get to know your friends and neighbors, perhaps in a way that surprises you!
❖Page 4 - Political Advertisements
❖Page 5 - Lifestyles: Dear Abby, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs
❖Page 5 - Lifestyles: Dear Abby, Rumour Has It, Shout Outs
❖Page 6 - Creative Writing Shared
❖Page 7 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 8 - Want Ads
❖Page 9 - Advertisements
❖Page 7 - Letter to the Editor
❖Page 8 - Want Ads
❖Page 9 - Advertisements
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Page 1: In the News
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SYN CITY MAYOR & COUNCIL ELECTIONS 2013
DOLLY & FAIL DEBATE
Saturday morning in the park, several Syn Citizens gathered to hear Dolly and Fail Debate. Citizens raised questions to both Mayoral Candidates bringing up concerns they had and questions they wanted answered, how this one would handle that and that one would handle this. Fail's mental stability was questioned and an Officer of the law threatened to arrest Fail when one of the Citizens accused her of theft. However due to not being paid as much as the Officers believe they should be, they decided not to make a move. This lead to a debate about the PD's pay and Fail stated "well yeah they can have what money they want really, they just needa arrest more people, I don't have a use for it". Dolly's response was "well here is my thinking on the cops. them cops be like any other gang, they have both good and bad people. We need to do a better job of punishing the crooked, corrupt cops who are making the good ones look bad, ah have just the solution".
When asked about building planning about the city, Dolly stated "why yes ah do have a good idea for that big empty spot near the hospital, it is one ah am going to reveal later because it is going to bring what ah believes in together, all in one building for all citizens of Syn to enjoy. As for the hospital ah believes it is over-funded, it is too big for what this city needs and always be understaffed, it is too expensive for us to keep heated so we gonna have to work to staff it or cut a floor off or something". Failure's response was "but but Dolly... I live in the hospital...."
Dolly stated that she wants to "get business and the economy really going in Syn, it is our biggest weakness. In a city that should be taking care of business, y'all need a mayor who is all business" while backing the SCPD and pushing for policies that are community focused. Dolly mentioned the need for a waste treatment facility while Fail stated the need for a City Planner. Fail also stated that "there should be no shooting unless you intended to sleep with that person later and no sleeping with some one who you wouldn't shoot". A big discussion was what to do with the big open lot beside the Hospital. Several ideas was tossed about including moving PD to that area so the Hospital, Fire Department, and Police Station could work together as well as the mention of a Mall and a McDonald's among many other things. Fail also mentioned getting rid of the river and creating more parks and trees. However, both Fail and Dolly both liked the idea of the SCPD being in the vacant lot beside the Hospital.
When asked what they propose doing about the gang on gang violence, Fail lead with her response "am gonna get a therapist here to therapute on those that keeps getting into conflicts and their guns will be removed and replaced with flowers, and not until they learn to respect otters will the guns be given back" and Dolly shortly followed with ""the way gang on gang violence today to me is all senseless, that is why ah don't really get involved with. things happen for no rhyme or reason, now that is always going to happen but we can push policies and ideas that will reduce the senseless violence that happens between gangs."
Dolly did reveal one of her "Big Ideas" when she talked about gang businesses being rewarded by the City to increase the economy for working together and making "deals" such as hiring dancers from one gang business to perform at another's business during an event. In such a situation, from what the Gazette understands, both Gangs would be rewarded financially for working together.
Whacked made an appearance at the end of the debate and opted not to join in but will be available for questions Monday, the time is to be determined.
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Page 2: Announcements & Events
((IC & OOC))
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SNARKIE MARRIES COSMOPage 2: Announcements & Events
((IC & OOC))
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Congratulate the happy couple on their marriage. Most in the City thought they were only best friends but apparently there's been more to it then that when Tuesday Snarkie and Cosmo were joined in marriage by Icarus.
LOST & FOUND
Sunday an envelope was found outside the Gazette. If you have lost one, please contact the Gazette or Crissy Forster to describe it's contents and retrieve it.
SYNFUL PLEASURES
Synful Pleasures hosts events every Saturday from 7 - 9 pm SLT and Sundays from 12 - 2 pm SLT. Saturday at Synful's "THIS IS HALLOWEEN" event many Syn Citizens came all decked out in a variety of costumes. Devils and Angels danced side by side while everyone enjoyed the tunes played by DJ Angel. Icarus, Steffie and Krysten won the contest with Icarus bringing in First Place in his Joker Costume.
Sunday the lack of a DJ for the Sexy or Spooky event didn't slow things down. Syn Citizens can have a blast as long as the tunes are flowing and did so while looking good in their costumes. Some sexy as hell and others scary...one even gross as could be as they rocked to the tunes of the radio. The winners of the contest was Amelia in First, Fail Second and Amy coming in Third.If you missed it, sorry for your luck, it was fun times. Be sure to join us next weekend!
!!!WARNING!!!
Directly from the CDC...do NOT use any water for drinking or for bathing, it has been contaminated and is considered dangerous including bottled water. Doing so can lead to irritated dry skin, foggy brain, memory loss, and irrational thinking as well as the Axe Effect in some citizens. Instead, make use of the Vodka provided to the citizens of Syn City by the CDC.
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Page 3: Who's Who
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This week in Who's Who, we have Dina Ormidale, CEO of Syn City Bank and obviously quite happily married to Craig who she's been with three years as of November 8th. When she met Craig, she was anything BUT innocent when she carved her name into his chest but soon after, her and the cop became friends and that friendship turned into more when love set in. In speaking with Dina, it's easy to tell how much she loves him, her eyes seem to sparkle and shine just talking about him "I truly can't imagine my life without him now." Together, her and Craig have one daughter Ayrin, also known as "Red" who they adopted and haven't regretted a day since though her Father seems to be struggling with the whole having an adult daughter thing.
Next to her sister Kali, Dina is one of Syn City's longest-standing residents and is currently running for City Council hoping a variety of individuals are voted in that will make decisions based on what the City needs as a whole. While she'd love to see the City working together more as a community, she believes the reality is more harsh and worries about the gangs, their fighting and how it affects other citizens and if voted into council wans to "implement tax breaks for gangs who keep their members gainfully employed. Thus, keeping them off the streets while the city's economy blossoms. I would like to see the PD given more latitude in dealing with chronic law breakers and harsher laws for gang related crimes." She has no future plans of running for Mayor believing she can bring the most to the City as a member of it's Council. With her push and concern for the economy, she'd like to see more businesses brought into the City...perhaps putting a business or two and some apartments in the open area near the docks.
Dina seems to have it all...loving husband, adoring daughter, and a wonderful job. All that's missing is a seat on the City's Council where she can make a difference. "I would like to say that Syn City is unique. We have such a wonderful array of citizens who, even on their worst day, still care for the place they call home. Even divided as we all seem to be now I have no doubt that if this city needed its citizens to work together they would."
***********************************************************************************Next to her sister Kali, Dina is one of Syn City's longest-standing residents and is currently running for City Council hoping a variety of individuals are voted in that will make decisions based on what the City needs as a whole. While she'd love to see the City working together more as a community, she believes the reality is more harsh and worries about the gangs, their fighting and how it affects other citizens and if voted into council wans to "implement tax breaks for gangs who keep their members gainfully employed. Thus, keeping them off the streets while the city's economy blossoms. I would like to see the PD given more latitude in dealing with chronic law breakers and harsher laws for gang related crimes." She has no future plans of running for Mayor believing she can bring the most to the City as a member of it's Council. With her push and concern for the economy, she'd like to see more businesses brought into the City...perhaps putting a business or two and some apartments in the open area near the docks.
Dina seems to have it all...loving husband, adoring daughter, and a wonderful job. All that's missing is a seat on the City's Council where she can make a difference. "I would like to say that Syn City is unique. We have such a wonderful array of citizens who, even on their worst day, still care for the place they call home. Even divided as we all seem to be now I have no doubt that if this city needed its citizens to work together they would."
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Page 4: Political Advertisements
Take heart citizens of Syn City, your Destiny has arrived!
Officer Doktor Whackadeaux Amadeus Allouicious Frederico Billy Bob Claremont Ferdinand Von Destiny III has graciously agreed to accept the position as Mayor of Syn City. Doctor Dubya, as he is affectionately known by a few friends, or simply "Whacked" to those who know him best. The good doctor has served the city in many capacities over the past 7 years, having gone from a simple drug salesman in the beginning, all the way up to serving as god for a period of several months, and has held numerous positions in between.
Take heart citizens of Syn City, the messiah has arrived!
Vote Early and Vote often but choose wisely Syn City, it matters.
Officer Doktor Whacked Destiny for Mayor, because you bastards deserve this.
Failure in government!
Citizens of Syn City a new era of hope and opportunity has arrived. If you've ever thought that Failure in government represented safety and security for your... occupation, then you're in luck! You can put Failure into the mayor's office by voting for Failure Fatality!
She does not speak politrix, she speaks only gibberish. If you think half assed success in city government has not been working then....
VOTE FOR FAILURE!
Paid for by anarchists for the reduction of governmental effectiveness. LLC.
Page 4: Political Advertisements
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***Political Advertisement***
Officer Doktor Whackadeaux Amadeus Allouicious Frederico Billy Bob Claremont Ferdinand Von Destiny III has graciously agreed to accept the position as Mayor of Syn City. Doctor Dubya, as he is affectionately known by a few friends, or simply "Whacked" to those who know him best. The good doctor has served the city in many capacities over the past 7 years, having gone from a simple drug salesman in the beginning, all the way up to serving as god for a period of several months, and has held numerous positions in between.
Take heart citizens of Syn City, the messiah has arrived!
Vote Early and Vote often but choose wisely Syn City, it matters.
Officer Doktor Whacked Destiny for Mayor, because you bastards deserve this.
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Citizens of Syn City a new era of hope and opportunity has arrived. If you've ever thought that Failure in government represented safety and security for your... occupation, then you're in luck! You can put Failure into the mayor's office by voting for Failure Fatality!
She does not speak politrix, she speaks only gibberish. If you think half assed success in city government has not been working then....
VOTE FOR FAILURE!
Paid for by anarchists for the reduction of governmental effectiveness. LLC.
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Any important decision requires checking the facts, the race for Syn's next Mayor is no different.
Fact, our council has been neglected into corruption. As Mayor, Dolly will support our new passionate, driven council to have a better shot then she did in taking Syn to the next level.
Fact, majority of business proof the bank receives are maintenance. As Mayor, Dolly will introduce new ideas for improvements that will expand business possibilities. Dolly believes we can do better for businesses who are instrumental for a lively community.
Fact, most of the violence taking place is senseless. As Mayor, Dolly will curb the amount of senseless violence by encouraging the various groups, our main employers and educators to collaborate by striking business deals. Dolly will reward groups who go the extra mile in improving the community for all.
Fact, as expected from a Mayor, Dolly has never committed a crime, fired a bullet or got involved in a gang fight. Dolly is ready to serve all the people of Syn with heart and dignity.
FOR MAYOR, IT'S DOLLY.
Any important decision requires checking the facts, the race for Syn's next Mayor is no different.
Fact, our council has been neglected into corruption. As Mayor, Dolly will support our new passionate, driven council to have a better shot then she did in taking Syn to the next level.
Fact, majority of business proof the bank receives are maintenance. As Mayor, Dolly will introduce new ideas for improvements that will expand business possibilities. Dolly believes we can do better for businesses who are instrumental for a lively community.
Fact, most of the violence taking place is senseless. As Mayor, Dolly will curb the amount of senseless violence by encouraging the various groups, our main employers and educators to collaborate by striking business deals. Dolly will reward groups who go the extra mile in improving the community for all.
Fact, as expected from a Mayor, Dolly has never committed a crime, fired a bullet or got involved in a gang fight. Dolly is ready to serve all the people of Syn with heart and dignity.
FOR MAYOR, IT'S DOLLY.
Page 5: Lifestyles
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Dear Cosmo Girl,
I went to the laundry mat with 5 pairs of socks, 2 jeans and a whole lot of t-shirts and tops.
It all went very well until I was to pair of the socks after they been washed and dried.
I now got 2 complete pairs and 1 pair thats mixed.
That means 4 socks gotten away and I dont know where to start looking.
Well actually I started looking around in the laundry mat, but thers no sign of any of MY missing socks.
I did find an earring, somebody elses sock and a washed up pice of paper witch mentioned some thing about eggs.
How do I keep my socks together?
Should I stop washing them or should I buy new ones every week ?
My apartment aint that big, but I soon got a wall to wall covering in single socks just waiting for their true partner to show up.
~Indiana Sock Johnsen~
Dear Indiana Sock Johnsen,
As many people have this problem, you are not alone... my best suggestion for you is to either buy a mesh bag to throw in your washing machine to keep them all together or if you aren't able to do that go barefoot or maybe flip flops ... but i think the best idea is to go the mesh bag route it will keep them as one ... hope it helped .
xoxoCOSMOxoxox
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**Want to ask Cosmo Girl for advice? Simply drop a note in the mailbox outside the Gazette behind Syn City Bank, Cosmo Girl responds to everyone!** ((NOTE: Crissy rewrites all Dear Cosmo Girl's before handing them over to Cosmo to answer so they can be kept anonymous.))
❖ Rumor Has It
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**
1. Fail has lost her balls. One is blue and one is pink. She is asking that if anyone finds them, please return them to her so that she doesn't have to sleep alone.
2. Icarus is believed to be one of the terrorists as he's apparently new in town and already knows about the "Axe Effect".
3. Diamond is with Smokey but Snarkie wants to join in on the relationship and make it a threesome. Diamond however doesn't want to share. Will it turn into a threesome or will Smokey have to choose one or the other? Although it seems Snarkie has a thing for Icarus...will the Axe Effect win and Snarkie choose Icarus or will she continue to try for the threesome?
4. Apparently Icarus swings both ways but as of Wednesday is sticking to only one person when he was heard stating "the only man for me from now on is Shinky Dinky".
5. Von has a new boyfriend to play pitcher with. Be on the look out for a new sex tape to be coming out where Von rapes him. If you like watching the rough stuff, you'll want to grab a copy.6. Word on the street is that one of Shink's hoes is still working the streets but has been promoted from hoe to coke dealer.
7. the real reason Agent is constantly hounding Dan and moses for one on ones has nothing to do with proving his fighting skills. Rather, it is because he has a strong desire to be near them. After all, they say that the more someone spreads a rumor and insist on it, the more the want it to be true
8. According to one source...Wulf is Esta's Daddy and Ica is Snarkie's Daddy. Miscommunication error or have we all been misinformed?
9. Distansia was quoted saying "Fyng might or he might not be paying me with bail money we rip off from gan...I mean if Fyng doesnt pay me at all".
10. Oso has a new Underboss...Steffie.
11. It's been trouble on the home front for Sinners this week with Snarkie leaving and accusing her of being the cause of a potential divide within the group. Sunday, it all came to a brewing when Sinners were threatening to shoot other Sinners as her boyfriend tried to stop a potential fight. Needless to say...the Sinners' Boss Lady was NOT happy.
12. Fyng used to be in Vipers and racked up a bill of 3400k for attempted murder, arson, and kidnapping.
**Have you heard a rumour you want to share? Send it to us.**
❖ Shout Outs
Wanna give a shout out to someone? Have a message you want delivered in a different way? Know someone with a birthday coming up and want to wish them a happy one?
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Page 6: Creative Writing Shared
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THE JOURNEY & THE END
Written by: Crissy Forster
Life is a bad joke,
Told by a cruel individual.
You keep telling yourself it gets better.
But the truth is, it only gets worse.
The problems you deal with as a child,
Are preparations for those you deal with as a teen.
Those you deal with as a teen,
Are preparing you for the life of an adult.
You tell yourself it’ll get better it has to.
But truth be known it’s just the beginning.
It’s the beginning of an end.
And it’s an end you’ll soon desire.
Momma always said,
“Life’s not fair And whoever told you it was, lied.”
But she should’ve told me also,
Life has no attainable desires.
Why do we even try?
It does no good.
We can only get so far,
for it sees all.
It is a powerful thing with godly powers.
And will never allow you to achieve your dreams you so desire.
They say what doesn’t break you, Will make you stronger.
But each time it tries, It takes a small piece of something deep inside.
Then one day, you open your eyes to see.
And find all that’s left, is one single piece.
But it’s not done, that’s not enough.
It comes back and leaves you with none.
You find yourself empty instead of whole.
It took all the pieces of your soul.
The sad thing is, you really don’t care.
Because your tired of the struggle to get nowhere.
What do you do now?
I will tell you, you wait.
When finally it’s ready,
your life it will take.
They’ll say it was suicide,
but you and I know the truth.
It’s called the demon of life
And it’s coming for you.
Page 6: Creative Writing Shared
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THE JOURNEY & THE END
Written by: Crissy Forster
Life is a bad joke,
Told by a cruel individual.
You keep telling yourself it gets better.
But the truth is, it only gets worse.
The problems you deal with as a child,
Are preparations for those you deal with as a teen.
Those you deal with as a teen,
Are preparing you for the life of an adult.
You tell yourself it’ll get better it has to.
But truth be known it’s just the beginning.
It’s the beginning of an end.
And it’s an end you’ll soon desire.
Momma always said,
“Life’s not fair And whoever told you it was, lied.”
But she should’ve told me also,
Life has no attainable desires.
Why do we even try?
It does no good.
We can only get so far,
for it sees all.
It is a powerful thing with godly powers.
And will never allow you to achieve your dreams you so desire.
They say what doesn’t break you, Will make you stronger.
But each time it tries, It takes a small piece of something deep inside.
Then one day, you open your eyes to see.
And find all that’s left, is one single piece.
But it’s not done, that’s not enough.
It comes back and leaves you with none.
You find yourself empty instead of whole.
It took all the pieces of your soul.
The sad thing is, you really don’t care.
Because your tired of the struggle to get nowhere.
What do you do now?
I will tell you, you wait.
When finally it’s ready,
your life it will take.
They’ll say it was suicide,
but you and I know the truth.
It’s called the demon of life
And it’s coming for you.
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Page 7: Letter to the Editor
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Have something you wanna say? Here's your chance to be heard! Send in
your letters to the Editor and give yourself a voice to be heard!Page 7: Letter to the Editor
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Page 8: Want Ads
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❖ Vipers Garage is now hiring everything from pump girls and cashiers to mechanics! No experience necessary although for mechanics, experience is preferred. Stop by and put in an application or speak to Amber Venom (karmarider) today!
❖ New to Syn City and not sure where to go or what to do? Been looking for a job and just can't seem to find one and having to live on the streets from one empty spot to the next? If so, Holly Molly Maid's Service might be the place for you. Holly Molly is now accepting applications. Come visit Holly Molly down at the docks and put in your application today or contact Amber Venom (karmarider).
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Page 9: Advertisements
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❖ OASIS CASINO WILL HOST POKER NIGHTS EVERY THURSDAY AND SUNDAY NIGHT AT 7:00PM SLT, 500 BRUNSENS TO JOIN THURSDAY AND 1000 BRUNSENS TO JOIN THE TABLE ON SUNDAYS. This Thursday will be the first event so come out and join us at Oasis Casino and leave it all on the table. Who knows, you could walk out with more then your pockets can carry.
❖ In love and wanting to be joined in holy matrimony? Contact Icarurs Blackgraves. He specializes in speed weddings...anytime, anywhere . When you just absolutely need to get married he's the one to do it for you. Certified online. Dial 1-800-MARRYME. He also does also for exorcisms, deliveries, hit jobs, private eye investigating, grave digging, and Psychiatric services.
❖ There will be a new wing, or ward rather coming to Syn City Hospital! It will mainly focus on all of those planned and unplanned pregnancies within Syn! Need a pregnancy test? Want an ultrasound to find out the gender of the baby or find out how many to expect? Nervous and need advice? You got it! Over the next few weeks the second floor of the hospital will be transforming to meet all of these needs plus general prenatal care.
Not to worry, for those of you that aren't pregnant (yes including you, guys of Syn) there are other options available to you as well. Protect yourself from an "oops!" moment, stop in for some birth control! Something not quite right down there? Come and get things looked at by a professional. If you lay down with dogs, you may just wake up with flees! Get yourself (& those hoes) checked for STD's!
Simply call the Hospital to schedule an appointment!
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Got
ideas or suggestions? Let us know. If you have something you'd like
to include in the next issue, drop a note in the mailbox outside Syn
City Gazette's Office located just behind Syn City Bank.
*******************************************************************************DISCLAIMER: LET IT BE KNOWN, THAT NO MATTER WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THIS PUBLICATION, UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE, IT IS STRICTLY IN CHARACTER!!! I SHOULD INFORM YOU, I CONSIDER EVENTS FOR THE MOST PART IC...FOR THE MOST PART LOL. ABSOLUTELY NO OOC INSULTS WILL EVER BE USED...EVER!!! SO IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS DIRECTED TOWARD YOU OOCLY, AND YOU TAKE OFFENSE, UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE MISTAKEN!!! RUMORS ARE FOR FUN ONLY, WITH NO MALICE IN MIND AND THEY ARE USUALLY NOT EVEN TRUE!!!
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